March and April Madness

Today is the first day in at least 6 weeks that I haven't had some enormous impending project or event hanging over my head...and I feel great!!! I even dusted all my ceiling fans this morning! And now that Jadon is down for his nap, I might as well catch up on blogging since it's one of many items on my catch-up to-do list.

*Sleep training has officially become a success. Jadon "easily" falls asleep by himself every nap and night, minus a few crazy days.

He still insists, however, that we leave his and our bedroom doors open a crack, a sad reminder to me of when we had to "lock" him in his bedroom those two times. It hurts me that we scarred him in this way, and I wish I could've figured out another way to do it. Several times since then he has accidentally closed the door on himself at the doctor's office and other random public places, and it always ends up with him in hysterical tears, sobbing in my arms that "you locked me!" *sigh*
However, one of the good things that has stuck with him from that same traumatic period is that Jesus is with him "in his heart." Maybe not theologically correct, yet, but I love that he's thinking that way. Now, whenever he sees anyone sad or lonely for any reason, whether at the store or in a movie or at church or at the park or wherever, he will either tell them or me, "It's okay, Jesus in your heart." It is SO cute. I love that in his own way, Jadon is already telling people about Jesus! On our GOAL mission trip with the youth group, we watched Wreck It Ralph one night, and when Ralph was sad and lonely, Jadon yelled it out to him. Our teenagers thought it was hilarious. We are starting to tell Jadon that not everyone does have Jesus in their heart, but are treading lightly on that theological detail. :)

*Sarah and Greg's visit!
One of the most exciting parts of March was the arrival of my sister and her husband for a 2 week visit. It was so amazing to see her growing baby bump and to be able to include them in a ton of our family festivities. We all were crazy busy, but it was such a blessing to be with them.

*Passover
Within days of Sarah and Greg's arrival, we celebrated Passover. I can't remember if this was our 5th or 6th year in a row hosting it, but this year we had another 75 people celebrate a Passover Seder dinner with us at church the Thursday before Easter. It is such a great way to enter the Good Friday/Resurrection Sunday weekend, observing the "Last Supper" the way Jesus did with his disciples. The traditions Jews have been following for years are so rich with symbolism pointing to Jesus, it just puts a smile on my face to go through them, and I love being able to share them with others. This year, as always, was stressful and hectic and exhausting, but it was my most enjoyable one yet, thanks to delegating more of the food prep to friends and the leading of the Seder to my sister and Greg.

(Setting up for 100 people, using all the table cloths and dishes from my sister's wedding)

 Greg and Sarah explaining the significance of Passover

 We grew Jadon's hair for this event ;)

 Fallon lights the candles at our table, using a napkin and a sweater as a makeshift scarf :), while Pastor Hal and Amy encourage her

 My sister prepares to say the blessing over the lighted candles. Her Hebrew is so great! I am so proud of her!

 Jadon did great, but he could only take so much of the sitting down...and the curls

 Probably my favorite part is bringing all the kids up to "experience" the 10 plagues. They got to throw "lice" confetti on the adults, stick sticker "boils" on them, throw pompom "hail" at them, and wear sunglasses for the darkness, among other things...We thought it wise to skip the 10th plague, however. How do you make "death of the firstborn" fun?

 And then there was the cleanup...Ugh!

*Easter
Of course, when your husband is a pastor, Easter is inevitably a busy, hectic time of year. We had an early Easter service/kids' carnival on Wednesday night, the Seder dinner on Thursday night, an Easter party with my MOPS group on Friday morning, Good Friday service on Friday night, Easter service on Saturday night, and three services on Sunday.
THEN we finally got to do the family stuff Sunday afternoon and evening.
Jadon is definitely getting to a fun age with holiday traditions...and it was even more fun to have my sister and Greg join in on the festivities.
In Jadon's Easter basket, among other things he (and Jim) got awesome remote controlled cars that twist and spin and light up...and rarely get stuck. So.much.fun!

Jadon also got a pretty awesome basketball bunny. Unlike 98% of humans who go for the ears first, Jadon went for the nose...the basketball...the tail...the feet...and THEN the ears. He was pretty stoked to get so much candy, but was surprisingly disciplined. After a few bites of the chocolate, he'd give it back to me to save until later. He definitely doesn't take after his mama on that!

 I know Easter egg hunts come from pagan fertility rituals...but Jadon loves looking for treasures, so we did one anyway. As he gets older, I'll try to weave in the story of Jesus better, but for this year, I just filled the eggs with candy and cars and coins...and playdoh. Jim and Sarah and Greg got in on the action, too, and it was so cute to see Jadon trying to help them and share with them as much as they were trying to help him. It made me really happy to see that Jadon wasn't at all greedy. After a few eggs he was content...and couldn't wait to get to the treats inside!

After all this fun, my parents cooked an amazing prime rib roast dinner. I think this was my favorite adult Easter so far, and it gave me hope that in spite of being in ministry, we can still carve out time for our own family traditions. 

It was also exciting to see Jadon just starting to get the concept of Jesus dying on the cross for him. We bought two simple books telling the story and read them almost every night in March, and Jadon totally seemed to connect when I explained the pictures of the "mean" men who were "pushing" and "hitting" Jesus. He still doesn't seem to comprehend death...or crucifixion for that matter!...but now, every time he sees a cross anywhere, he says, "That's where Jesus born!" Not quite...but that's what Jesus was born for, after all!

*Sarah's shower

The weekend after Easter, I cohosted a baby shower for my sister up in Orange County with her dear friend Janna. We spent the morning at Sarah's messianic fellowship Adat HaMashiach, where Jadon got to try out Israeli dance worship and Greg gave the sermon. 

Then we had a fun time celebrating Wee Williams. Sarah has a ton of wonderful friends who came and showered her with love, but I was especially grateful for my friend Kristen coming up from Oceanside.

*GOAL Missions Trip

Before the dishes were all washed and put away from the Seder and Easter and shower, it was time to gear up for our annual youth missions trip. For the past several years we have forgone trips to Mexico in exchange for a trip with more tangible and long-lasting impact to our military base next door, Camp Pendleton. Without a language barrier and long distance, our teens are able to do the same Kids' Camp and service project ministry that they would do in Mexico...but better. Several families started coming to New Song as a result of their kids' lives being impacted by our teens, and it really teaches our students the lifelong lesson of evangelism and outreach WHEREVER life takes them. Also, it costs a lot less, so we are then able to send the surplus money to Children's Hunger Fund, an amazing ministry that conscientiously works through local churches in impoverished communities around the world to feed the hungry physically AND spiritually.
My roll on this trip for the past few years has been cook, and as usual, it was absolutely exhausting! (as evidenced by this horrific picture Jim got of me!)

$2,000 in groceries and my dad's full truck later, my living room was full of a week's worth of food for 75. That chaos eventually settled into about 20-25 labeled boxes, and another truckload of ice chests and tables and propane griddle and huge pots and pans and water coolers, etc. My brain was spinning for days trying to get it all organized!

 BUT, thanks to simplified meals and preplanned menus and shopping lists, it definitely is getting "easier." I even had time to go for a run three days during the week!
And...for the second year, we were able to borrow an AMAZING RV from our AMAZING friends the Walkers. Seriously, this thing is almost nicer than my house...and it even has Direct TV! I gotta admit, I definitely appreciated the Disney channel when I was trying to get dinner ready. That and the blow-up pool were lifesavers!

 (Jadon watching Cars with a friend)

That was another thing that made it easier this year: Jadon hung out with our students a ton. They loved taking him to the park (they weren't allowed to go unless they had him with them) and playing with him and watching movies with them, etc...and he had a blast being the center of their attention.

It was cute watching him get involved at the different kids' camps, too. He thinks he's one of the teenagers, and he loves getting on stage and leading the scream-team (worship) with them, or getting right in the mix during game time.

 All in all, the week was a huge success, with a lot of significant spiritual moments for our students. I never look forward to the week, but I'm always glad I was part of it.

*Austin:
After GOAL, Austin went back to live with his mom, who is currently living in a good apartment and seems to be pretty stable. Please pray for this transition for him. We think it is for the best, but change is never fun, and sometimes "the best" isn't necessarily the easiest.

*Ragnar:
After Austin moved out, I had a few days to deep clean the house, put away all the Seder/Easter/Shower/GOAL stuff, and get ready for Ragnar So Cal (this past weekend). Let's just say that in a week where I should have been getting as much rest as I could, I ended up with 3-5 hours a night...But more on Ragnar in my next post...

Woohoo! (aka Attachment Parenting Sleep Training, Part 3)

We did it! 10 days of the hard part (plus the 3 weeks before) later...and Jadon successfully went to bed by himself last night!!! Yay!!! We did our normal 20-ish minute routine, including 2 stories, prayer, 3 songs, and a minute or 2 of cuddling...and then I was done before 9:45! No escape attempts, no tears. Jadon just stayed in his bed. This is a huge milestone for us, and we are thrilled.
Way to go, Jadon! You are such a big boy and we are SO proud of you!

Baby Steps (aka Attachment Parenting Sleep Training Part 2)

It has been a rough week in the sleep training realm...but the fact that I'm writing this before 11pm is evidence that things are improving. After 3 weeks of gradually distancing ourselves from Jadon during the final stage of the bedtime routine, I finally took the plunge last Saturday night to move from comfy chair in his room to leaving the room completely. It was an unplanned step stemming from Jim needing to go to bed because of his early morning preaching at church the next day and my being in the middle of taxes and really, really wanting to get them done.
So I tucked Jadon in and told him I would be right down stairs and then left the room (conceding to light on and door open). This actually went a little easier than I expected, with Jadon only coming out to check on me three times...and finally falling asleep by 11:30 pm (and yes, I did finish my taxes...at 2 am...which wasn't so bad because we actually got a refund this year, woohoo!).
Since i made the plunge, I knew I needed to stick with it, and the next night went similarly--about 3 escapes and asleep by 11:30. (nap time went even better, because I was able to exhaust him completely beforehand!). I was considering this fairly successful, because his resistance level was minimal...but the 11:30 time definitely needed improvement.
So night 3 I started setting more boundaries/consequences...which is when things started getting rather horrible with my little strong-willed child. We spent the next 3 nights with an hour and a half of tears and still no sleep before 11. It was heartbreaking! And again, I don't feel like most of the tears were manipulative, rather a little boy's earnest pleas for comfort. So just like when weaning him from the bottle, I tried to figure out how to tailor the cry-it-out approach to my own comfort level. It was still agonizing, but I stayed in the doorway of my room, speaking encouragement and praise to him, occasionally going into his room to retuck him in or soothe his tears momentarily or reassure him how much I love him and how proud I am of him and how much I can't wait to cuddle with him in the morning. Ugh! I hated it. (This totally reassured me that the cry-it-out method wouldn't have worked for jadon when he was an infant...unless I was okay with 2 hours of screaming for a week, which i wasn't...and which most books don't even advocate.)
It's amazing how self-aware Jadon has been throughout all of this. The first night of tears, toward the end, he finally sobbed, "I can't fall asleep! I need help!" At first I thought this might be a ploy, but then, as I watched him laying there trying to keep his eyes closed, I realized that he really hasn't figured it out yet. It is so hard for him to sit still, and laying still enough to fall asleep is even worse. Which is why he will go, go, go like the energizer bunny without seeming at all tired...until I strap him into his car seat and he passes out within seconds. That's why it has always been so much easier for us to cuddle him to sleep, where our arms can gently help him calm down. So as I was watching him try that night, he sat up and said, "mommy, I need *hugging his arms to his chest and bopping his shoulders up and down*" Again, at first I just thought he was being silly, but then after he repeated it, I realized he wanted me to bop him to sleep, something we haven't done for probably over a year! Amazing how he remembered that as one of our go-to sleep solutions for him! (and again making me glad I hadn't made him cry it out and letting him have that as his memory!!) 
The next night, he asked for help again in falling asleep, this time following the request with "mommy, sh!" Seeing as I hadn't been talking anyway, I remained quiet, at which he kept repeating, with increasing urgency and tears, "mommy, shhhh! Mommy, shhhh!" I finally realized he was asking me to shush him to sleep, another one of our go-to's. Fortunately, for this request, we have a little stuffed monkey that a friend gave us that has three sound settings, including one that sounds like a waterfall...or shushing! It's not as good as mom, but jadon is getting used to it.
The next couple nights were Jim's turn, and jadon was asleep by 10:30...with no tears...but Jim stayed in his room until Jadon was almost out (cheater!) and Jadon was exhausted from minuscule naps...but regardless of the reasons, I appreciated the break. 
Tonight--day 8--went hugely better, with only two excursions to our room and one whimper. As I tucked jadon in the second time...with basketball monkey blanket hugging him under his other covers, and garbanzo the giant gorilla hugging him, and sound monkey shushing him...Jadon put on his brave face and closed his eyes tightly and said, "Jesus in my heart," which is what I told him a few nights ago in the midst of the heart-wrenching tears. It might not be theologically correct (yet!) but I had comforted him that Jesus was in his heart so he didn't need to feel lonely or scared. He could feel his heart beating and know that Jesus was with him. And apparently it stuck! And that warms my heart beyond words!

Cuddle Cuddle (a.k.a Attachment Parenting Sleep Training)

Since before I was even a parent, I've always had a strong aversion to the cry-it-out sleep training method. No offense to those of you who use it (I know I'm in the minority here!), but it just seems cruel to me. And adopting after years of infertility only drove my convictions deeper--after years of longing to hold a child in my arms, I couldn't think of doing anything BUT swoop him up in my arms whenever his tiny cries rang out.
Which they did often.
It turns out, out little guy LOVES to be held. Before he learned to crawl, he was usually only happy if he was being held...but then he was the happiest kid around. So we made great use of the sling and the Baby Bjorn. And I really didn't mind. Sure, I got tired...and I definitely lamented the days when I was able to just get stuff done. But like I said, I was ecstatic just to finally have a child of my own to hold.

Jadon started crawling right on schedule, and immediately that opened up a whole new world. There were times when he still wanted to be held, but far more often, he wanted the freedom to explore. Crawling turned to climbing turned to walking turned to running, and I must say, in spite of his earlier need to be held constantly (and contrary to the frequent warnings you often hear with a child like that!), he has blossomed into a VERY (maybe TOO!) independent little guy with virtually no fear or timidity about ANYTHING.

He still loves to cuddle, though.
And his nighttime routine still hasn't seen the fruits of that independence.
Around 6 months, we started another habit that most "experts" warn severely against: co-sleeping. Mind you, this wasn't a well-studied, intentional parenting choice, but rather a moment of weakness in our overly-prolonged state of exhaustion. No surprise, Jadon loved it. He slept amazingly better...which meant that so did we. What started as a short-term reprieve from sleeplessness turned into long-term convenience which we kept intending to break but never got around to it. In hindsight, I discovered that we were/are classic Attachment Parenting parents, and there's actually a slew of research to back up the merits of our accidental behavior. Whew!
At 11 months, we finally decided enough was enough on the middle-of-the-night bottle feedings, though, and so I did my hybrid version of the cry-it-out method. I cuddled and soothed Jadon like there was no tomorrow while offering him a bottle of water instead of formula. It took 2 nights of 5 [HORRIBLE] minutes of crying, and he was cured...He was officially sleeping through the night! Yay! (Next child, I will definitely try that one earlier!) Of course, he was still sleeping in our bed, but that didn't seem like much of a problem when we were getting a full 8 hours of shut eye!
Our goal, however, was to transition him back into his crib after he turned 1.
In order to make this transition (sans tears), we went back to "bopping" him to sleep. Normal rocking never worked with him, but "Happiest Baby on the Block" sideways swinging jiggling had always been a miracle worker.

So we would do that every night until he fell asleep (sometimes 10 minutes, sometimes an hour or more), and then we would lay him in his crib and we were free. Sure, we tried other methods, including Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution, but none of them worked for us (Pantley's especially was just too exhausting to keep up).
Of course, that only lasted for a few hours. Inevitably, at some point in the wee hours of the morning, Jadon would wake up alone, and since he clearly had never learned to self-soothe, he needed one of us. Initially, we would just bop him back to sleep, and that would usually work until morning, but that only lasted so long until we rationalized that at least he was starting in his own bed. Was it really so bad if he ended up in ours? Considering the extra sleep it afforded us, we didn't think so, and so we were back to part-time co-sleeping. It's hard to resist not waking up to this cutie:

  

Around this time (18 months), Jadon learned how to climb out of his crib.

Many parents dread this day, but we actually liked it. Now when he woke up in the middle of the night, instead of waking us up, he would just run (more like a full-steam sprint judging by the sound of the rapid footsteps!) into our room and climb into bed with us. It simplified everything. AND, since we immediately transitioned to the toddler bed form of his crib, that meant that we could just cuddle him to sleep in his bed instead of bopping him to sleep in our arms, which was getting increasingly difficult as he grew bigger.

This worked well for us for the next 6 months, although we kept talking about needing to get him to learn to fall asleep by himself, especially since the cuddling sessions were taking longer and longer for him to fall asleep (seriously, some nights he remained awake until after 11pm...This kid is NOT a sleeper!) (And yes, we have a pretty good nighttime ritual to help him wind down!)
He turned 2 in June, and we decided to buy him his big boy bed.

With high hopes from others' stories, we thought maybe this is what he needed to be okay with sleeping by himself...Well, I'm not so sure it's what he needed, but it sure made our cuddling job easier. With a full twin-sized mattress to stretch out on, Jim and I took turns cuddling Jadon to sleep...which usually meant we fell asleep before he did, often not waking up until almost midnight. Let's just say, that's not so good for a marriage, ha!
So on Sunday night, January 20th, we finally started our toddler sleep training! After scouring the internet for advice for those of us non-cry-it-outers, I found little that really fit our situation, so I kind of tried to conglomerate it all into something that works for us. This is a long term plan, definitely not a quick-fix approach. Two-and-a-half weeks later, we can definitely see improvement, but we don't anticipate crossing the finish line soon. For anyone like me who needs some help in getting your toddler to sleep without cuddling..or crying..., here is what we are doing:
On the 2 or 3 days leading up to launch night, we started excitedly explaining to Jadon that soon he would be learning to fall asleep by himself without needing us to cuddle him, like a big boy (note to self...the "big boy" approach definitely didn't work with him. In the last couple weeks during play times, he has repeatedly wanted to pretend to be my baby and cheerfully told me "I a baby!" I think this is part of the reason potty training failed, too, since that is another activity for "big boys"...After we realized this, we stopped referring to it as something big boys do!).
On launch night, we brought our big comfy papasan chair into his room right next to his bed. (Any chair would work, we just wanted to be as comfortable as possible...and be able to fall asleep comfortably should too much time elapse!) We went through our normal routine, and then sat in the chair holding his hand while singing our usual 2 songs. It actually didn't go so bad, according to Jim. Jim did the first 2 nights, and Jadon was pretty exhausted thanks to a full fun weekend, so he fell asleep pretty quickly.
Then I had night #3 and got to experience it first hand. Oh my goodness, the look in Jadon's eyes when I tucked him in and kissed him goodnight almost broke my heart. His face was smiley as ever, but his eyes exuded this almost-fearful sadness as he accepted the fact that we couldn't cuddle. Seriously, it was one of the saddest moments of my parenting experiences thus far. But I stuck to my guns, and again, he fell asleep holding my hand.
Since that was going so well, the next night we decided to move the chair across the room. And that's where we still are. In the 2 weeks of this stage, we have had some struggles, but we are fine-tuning our approach, and I think it's working. Several nights we were back to the 90 min+ adventure, with Jadon trying to sneak out of bed or jumping around or tossing and turning or talking, etc...A couple of times, after warnings, we had to leave the room and hold the door shut until he laid down quietly in bed. As hard as that has been, the tearful pleas when I've done that are more than enough to keep me firm in my beliefs that I am doing the right thing by not succumbing to the ever-popular cry-it-out method. I can only handle a minute or two of the "Mommy, peeeeeeease! Peeeeeeeease don't lock the door!" Many would call it manipulation, and in some ways, I know it is. But I also know my kid, and I can hear the utter remorse and regret of his actions in his voice. And I am so glad that my method allows me to then walk back into his room, give him kisses and hugs as I tuck him in again, and answer his request to "sit with me" with an okay. And I think he's getting it. The last two nights, although still met with the same heart-breaking sad eyes after his denied request for "mommy, sleep with me," have seen him submissively rolling over and going to sleep rather quickly. He still begs for us to sit with him and not to shut the door, but that is a battle for next week, perhaps.
And for the time being, we are okay with him pitter-pattering into our room in the middle of the night (I actually look forward to that adorable sound!). The cuddle time it ensures is his due reward that we promise him every night now that we aren't cuddling him to sleep. And it seems to be naturally improving. Whereas before, the average time for his middle of the night sprint to our room was between 1 and 2am, the last couple nights it's been after 3 or 4, including two mornings ago when he didn't come over until 5:45, long after Jim was already up. So, I'm thinking that issue might just take care of itself eventually.
And even if it doesn't for awhile, I'm okay with that.
The other morning while we were cuddling and playing "cave" under the sheets after he woke up, he wrapped his squishy arms around my neck and told me, "tuddle, tuddle, tuddle...I happy!" I told him I was happy to cuddle him now, too, and I was so proud of him for learning how to fall asleep without cuddling at night, at which his eyes fell and his lip pouted out and he said softly, "I sad." Ugh, another break your heart moment. But it's way better (in my book) than how sad he would be if we were forcing him to cry it out!
I hope our experiences help some of you other softies out there!