So last week we went to our 2nd of 3 adoption-specific classes. It is mandated that we attend "Adopting After Infertility" since we have been unable to produce children of "our own"...Ah bliss!
The closer the evening came, the more uptight I found myself getting. It was as if my mind subconciously realized what the days were leading us closer to. Jim, on the other hand, was merely excited to be able to check one more thing off our ginormous list.
On our way down, I wondered what the other couples there would be like--and how many there would be. I mean, most people we know who are interested in adopting have already had their own child(ren). When we got there, the class was packed! And there were couples of all ages and types. Most of the class was actually pretty boring, but in the middle, they broke us into guys and gals so we could share with the group our infertility story. Lucky me, I was selected to go first in the gals group. I guess that was a good thing. As we went around the circle after me, the stories got longer and longer and more and more emotional. It was actually pretty reassuring to see that we aren't alone on this journey, and actually, we're doing quite well compared to most of them. I was surprised at the anger and inconsolable grief expressed by some of them. I hope adopting a child doesn't just slap a bandaid on some deeper issues that will then affect their adopted child later in life...Funny, the guys group ended about 25 min. earlier than us, and then just had to wait around until we were all through. I asked Jim if the guys just didn't share, or what? He said all of them contributed pretty well, but once they said their piece that was it--no tears or hugs or whatever. Typical! :o) Apparently their first question was did they ever imagine sitting in a circle discussing this. Jim, in typical fashion, piped up and said this was actually why he signed up for adoption. ha!
One of the other things we discussed in the group was the different stages of grief, starting with denial, moving through emotions of anger and depression, and finally ending up at acceptance. We had to think through our own processing, and I realized that I've gone through every stage--sometimes cycling through multiple times!--yet while I'm potentially willing to accept infertility as our permanent "thorn", I really am not fully arrived at acceptance yet. Every month, I still hope. But really, I don't think that's a bad thing...yet.
On that note, I finally just heard back from the doctor's office regarding the laparoscopy procedure. Online research had brought up numbers that looked like the surgery could cost into the thousands of dollars, and when the billing lady said my insurance wouldn't cover it, I was ready to concede forgoing this option. But...when I asked her--full of trepidation--how much it would cost then, she said it would be $300 out of pocket.
That's not too bad, all things considered...So...I'm now scheduled for surgery on Friday, April 30, one week after our FINAL adoption interview. Interesting timing. We'll see what God unfolds.