Friday, June 7, 2013

Valley of Decision

I have wanted to be (and planned on being) a stay-at-home mom for as long as I can remember. But I've also always wanted to be a teacher (when my sister was like 4 or 5 and I was 9 or 10 I used to type up math worksheets for her to do and loved grading them with a red pen! No wonder she ended up being Valedictorian!)
So I have often told people that getting laid off 3 years ago--after 11 years of teaching!-- 2 weeks before we got Jadon was such a blessing from God, because He knew how hard it would've been for me to actually give up my job.
For the past three years I have been fortunate to get to stay home with Jadon. Money has been tight, but we have done great, and I wouldn't trade it for anything...
And then I got a phone call yesterday...
Just as the time I'm on the lay-off call-back list expires, I got offered a temporary contract to teach English at El Camino High School next year. ECHS isn't my original school, but it's the one right down the street from our church and the one most of our students go to.
In the past 24 hours, Jim and I have adamantly decided both ways were the way to go. And our loved ones have agreed wholeheartedly--on both sides. I am SO torn!
On the one hand, the part of me that's a teacher has been awakened and is being pulled back into that roll. And the ministry opportunities are great. And not to mention how nice the paycheck would be! (This past year we invested my car fund in our next movie Prom Dare...which took a turn for the worst and is now lost until God sees fit to open some new doors...And my 16 year old, 200K+mi. Saturn is definitely showing it's age...)
On the other hand, I only have 2 years left with Jadon before he starts school, and I know they're going to fly by. (Just went to our first of many yearly graduations last night, and I remember when this girl was in elementary school. How is she grown up now?!!) And I know I, personally, will not be as good of a mom if I'm pouring my life into 200 other teenagers each day.
There are a ton of other factors that weigh into this decision (like, if I turn this job down, I am permanently off of the call back list and I lose all of my accrued sick time...And my mom would love to stay down here and watch Jadon--and she is WAY better than me at engaging preschool-aged kids at imaginative and educational play, and Jadon loves her and would have a ball hanging out at my parents place each day...And Jadon was going to start preschool 2 days a week this year anyways...But I was going to start BSF this year, and we just invested in Legoland and zoo passes...And...)
I can't tell you how many times I've made up my mind today...only to change it a minute later.

I have to decide by Monday...We shall see...

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