What a Difference a Day Makes!

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Three years ago yesterday, we got a call that changed our lives forever: a baby boy had been born 17 days earlier, and we were being given the chance to become his parents. You can read that blog entry for more on that momentous day, but as I've thought a lot about that day this week, never in my wildest dreams did I anticipate reliving it...

But then this afternoon, I got another call...

Jadon's birth mom had a baby girl 24 days ago, and long story short, we are now being given the chance to become her parents.

I had so many plans for this week, this summer, this year...but now all those plans have been wiped away in an instant and we are giddy thinking about bringing home OUR DAUGHTER!
Giddiness is pretty much the constant underlying emotion...but it has been accompanied by a fair share of other thoughts and feelings...
What are we going to name her? Ariana and Eliana are two names we have thrown around for fun in the past...but now that push comes to shove, there are a ton of other options out there! Which one is right for this baby girl we have yet to meet?
How am I going to survive TWO sleepless children?!?!
I'm going to have my long awaited daughter!!!!
Wait, is this it? Could this be our family? We've always thought we were 2 kid people...and now we have a girl and a boy. Hmmmm...after so many years of waiting and longing, it feels weird to just be done...
Oh shoot, what if Jadon's mom keeps popping out babies? Hmmmmm...
Oh man, how am I going to take Jadon to Legoland and the beach this summer with an infant?
Oh man...how do I pack a diaper bag for an infant again?
Oh wow! I'm going to have a daughter in our pink bedroom!
Yikes, how is Jadon going to react? He's really good at being an only child!
Awwww, I'm going to miss these days of Jadon and I. This is a sad end of an era.
Aw crap! How am I going to balance TWO needy kids? (just this morning I told God that I was exhausted and really couldn't do this parenting thing without Him...and that was with just one child!)
But WOOHOO!!! We have a daughter!!!

*****
Over a week has passed since that momentous day, and most of the feelings of fear have drained away to an overwhelming sense of peace and understanding that God has orchestrated all of it...
Because, oh yeah, the story didn't end after that phone call! When Jim got home a couple hours later (after a brief 3-min. conversation where I told him the exciting news before he had to rush off to another meeting), he eagerly asked me for the details as we prepared dinner for company, and then added that he had some other big news to share. It turns out that he also had a life-changing conversation that afternoon, with our college-aged pastor, who had just accepted a call with his wife to serve in the UK with a church planting movement...and they are starting in September...which means they need to leave New Song in August...which means, long story short, that Jim has decided to step out of 15 years of youth ministry into an adult ministry role!
That sentence looks so much less momentous in type than it felt that evening in our kitchen! This is huge. For virtually our entire relationship (we started dating in February 1997 and started youth ministry that fall) we have served teenagers together. We love teenagers. (Although lately, we have been feeling our age more, ha!)
So indeed, what a difference a day makes. In this case, what a difference an hour made! Within 60 minutes, we accepted "challenges" that are drastically changing the course of our lives. But again, although overwhelmed, we are really, really excited.
So excited, in fact, that we decided to make one more huge decision 2 days later: We decided to officially become a minivan family!
We have been thinking about getting a new car for a year or so now. My 1997 Saturn has 210,000+ miles, and while the engine works great, "nothing" else does (broken AC, heater, windows, locks, ceiling fabric, side mirror, etc...). But when we decided to invest my car fund into our next movie project (which, as yet, God has still not given the green light), we knew that my new car dreams would have to be put on hold for awhile, until we got the money back or we truly "needed" it.
During this time, I went from avoiding the thought of buying a minivan like a plague, to realizing that a minivan was the car that really made the most sense for us. I kind of had a moment where it was almost like God was challenging me on my pride. "You think you're too cool for a minivan? You're a mom, Rachel. Embrace it!" Well, if you put it like that, God! So I humbled myself and looked at a Toyota Sienna...and totally fell in love!!! At least, I fell in love with the SE ("sport") model, 2011 or newer--which had just a touch more of a "cool" factor, ha! Unfortunately, those models are relatively few and far between. Which makes good deals on them even fewer and further between. Over the months, I gulped at the price tag I'd be paying...and Jim flat out balked, "We aren't those kind of people!" Well, since I didn't have the money anyway, I just had fun occasionally looking and dreaming. And as I looked, I one time told God, you know, it would be fun to have cool rims on my car. (I know, girls aren't supposed to care about rims, but a neighbor down the street has a Sequoia with cool rims, and I really like them :))
So back to last week, long story short, Jim and I looked at each other and realized my car during the summer really would be miserable for an infant, and as it is, we had a tough time fitting everyone/thing in it that we needed many times. This was it: it was "time" for a new car. Since I couldn't sleep for the first 3 days after hearing all this news, I spent my sleepless nights scouring the internet, and ultimately found only 1 (that's right, ONE!) used Sienna SE within a 200 mile radius that looked like what I wanted, and 2 new cars within a 100 mile radius that were a color that I wanted (hey, I figured if I was going to go new, I might as well get exactly what I wanted, right?!). And guess what, they were all at the same dealership in Escondido. So on Friday afternoon, after Jim "generously" offered to stay home with Jadon (hey, he came home early from work to do it), my dad and I went to Carlsbad first to check out their SE (it wasn't the right color, but it was so close to home, I just wanted to get a feel first)...and then we made it to Escondido, and while I really liked the new ones (with dual DVD entertainment!), when I saw the used one, I had to laugh, and I knew immediately that it was mine. It didn't have the DVD...but it did have custom rims! Ha!



I don't know if they are any cooler that the usual ones, but I couldn't help smiling as I thought back to my earlier prayer. And the van has a sunroof, which was my favorite part of my Saturn until it broke ten years ago. And it came in quite cheaper than I had planned, enough for Jim to even be fully on board. Based on the circumstances, I'm pretty sure God handpicked this van out for me. And I love it!

SOOO, here we are at my parents' house in Shaver Lake, getting ready to head to Jim's parents' house and then Donner Lake with his family...and on MONDAY we are going to make a "quick" detour and meet OUR DAUGHTER!!! She was born in northern California, and since the foster systems in different counties don't all work the same, there are some delays in getting the paperwork in order and changing the jurisdiction to San Diego County so that we can actually bring her home. So while we are thrilled that we finally get to meet her, we are praying that we will actually get to go pick her up for good while we are up here on vacation. Otherwise, her social worker up there will bring her down by the 20th at the latest. Woohoo!
(We finally got to see a picture of her, and oh. my. goodness, she is the cutest thing ever!!!!)
Another prayer we have is for Jadon, who is really good at being an only child...and has been very passively resistant to this new idea of having a sister. But, for the first time today, he actually talked about her on his own (usually he changes the subject or walks away or just stares blankly when we talk about her).

God is so good, and we are so excited to be embarking on this new leg of our journey through life.
What a ride!

We're expecting!

(oops, meant to post this Thanksgiving week, but I think my internet went out and I never did...)

Soooo...in adoption news, yesterday was our final interview with our intake social worker, and now she just has to input us back in the computer system waiting list. I guess that means you could say...we're expecting! Ha! :) Our social worker warned us that this time around, the placement will likely take much longer than Jadon's miraculously short one, probably more like a year or more, which is totally fine with me. I'm not sure Jadon is ready to share the attention yet, and I am certainly not ready! But we'll let God be the real judge of that. We want to keep Jadon as our oldest child, but not-so-secretly, I'm kind of hoping for another little boy close in age to him (i.e. within a few months so they can be the same grade in school) that has a perfectly complementing personality to him. Jim would prefer a baby, but again, we'll let God figure out what we really need...and who needs us. Pretty exciting.
While running, I've been trying to start listening to sermons again, and in the past couple weeks I've listened to a couple by David Platt of Brook Hills Church in Alabama. He had a great one on adoption, as his church has been pursuing God's heart in this area. He talked about how often we think of the glorious side of adoption--the adorable little kid who makes your family pictures look cuter, etc...But there are more than just cute little kids that need our love (and more importantly, need Christ's love). Many have very real problems and addictions and conditions and disabilities. This really struck my heart, because obviously, Jadon is the cute little kid who makes our family look better. I can't believe how awesome he is. But as we move into round 2, what if God has less-cute-more-needy in store for us. That doesn't sound quite as fun, but if that's what He knows is best for us/the child/our testimony/our futures, then so be it. Eek! Through all our struggles with infertility and adopting Jadon, I have learned over and above that God's plans are so much better than my plans, and that while they may sound scary to me now, once I'm in the midst of them, I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm still hoping for another cute kid, though :)
The coolest part of that message, though, was the testimony of what his church has done. A year before, he had talked to the county foster system and asked how many families would be needed to provide all the children in their system with homes. The laughed and said, oh, about 150 (as if that would never happen). (Note, this is obviously a much smaller county than San Diego!) The next week, their church hosted an informational meeting and 160 church families showed up! Wow! Talk about the church meeting their community's needs. Someday, I think it would be cool to see our church rise up to a calling like that!

It's SO FLUFFY I'm gonna die!

So Jadon's recent favorite movie has become Despicable Me, which has a great message about adoption. My favorite line from the movie is when the littlest girl sees a stuffed unicorn and exclaims, "It's SO FLUFFY!!!...It's so fluffy I'm gonna die!" Apparently Jadon likes that line, too, because when he saw one of his older friend's horse purse at church the other day, he took off running with it, and wouldn't stop hugging it...and, of course, trying to ride it. The only thing that kept coming into my mind was, "It's SO FLUFFY!!!"

Adoption Day!

Perhaps the most exciting part of this summer was Jadon's final Adoption Day. Yay! July 20 was his final court date when he officially became a Britts! Everybody keeps asking how we feel, etc., and I must admit, I actually don't feel any different. The court date was actually pretty anticlimatic, a mere formality to what has already been truth in our hearts this whole year. Nevertheless, it is nice that I won't have to explain why his name is still "Baby Boy" any more!

When we first walked into the building, the officer at the metal detector said, "Ah, you guys are here for Happy Court!" When we looked at him confused, he explained, "I can always tell who's here for adoptions, because they're the only people who look happy to be here." Ha! That makes sense.

Our family waiting to be calledfrom the courtroom into the judge's quarters. Jadon is obviously thrilled to be here :) I think it's the tie. It was too hot to wear the original sweater vest outfit I'd bought months ago, so I figured his snazzy Easter tie with a button up shirt would be classy enough. He did look pretty cute... Our fan club/support network! (L-R) Jadon's Aunt Abbey (who made the call to give us our precious son!) and Jadon's brother Cameron (of course, the only non-blurry shot I got, he's squinting!), Grandma and Grandpa Sanders, Jadon, Grandpa and Grandma Britts, Jim. We love you guys!

Yay! It's official! We all signed the final paper work, the judge aske if we were sure about this before signing his part, and that was it. The judge was really great. Genial, light-hearted, engaging. I gotta admit, if I were a judge, Wednesday morning adoption finalizations would probably be my favorite day of the week!

On the way out, each child got to pick their own stuffy. Jadon came awfully close to picking up the pink one, but to our relief, swooped in on the blue bear at the last second. We have named him "Baby Bear" in honor of Jadon's former name "Baby Boy" that he lost that day. :)

Our amazing social worker, Jennifer Ramos. She was such a pleasure to work with, and we feel so blessed! (Hopefully we'll get to work with her again sometime...)

Sometimes I wonder what our life would be like if Abbey hadn't somehow remembered Jim from that CPR class we took and if she hadn't made the call...and a lot of other "if's". Thank you Jesus for having all our "if's" under your control!

We went to Mimi's for a celebration brunch afterwards, but Jadon was wiped from all the excitement!

Later that night, however, we celebrated some more with some cake. Jadon was definitely into that!

Adoption Timeline:

So people often ask how long this whole process took us. It depends if you're asking from when we started pursuing adoption, or from when we got Jadon. Either way, we were pretty fortunate to get a relatively quick (for foster adoption) assignment and finalization.

October 2009--Foster Orientation with Rancho Jireh Foster Homes. We decided that we actually wanted to go straight to Foster-Adoptions through San Diego County.
November thru December 2009--27 hours of PRIDE parenting classes through San Diego County Foster Licensing; 6 hours of foster orientation and adoption orientation; CPR/First Aid Certification; extensive physical exams at the doctor's office
January 2010--Baby proof the house and set up a crib in baby's room; Foster Home Licensing Visit (which included many hours of "fixing" non-baby safe things in our house, like putting locks on medicine cabinet, cleaning supplies cabinets, gardening cabinet, hot tub, etc.....)
February 2010--Adoption Intake Interview; each write a 6+ page autobiography; write a 4 page birth-parent profile; attend 3 hour class on trans-racial adoptions
March 2010--Attend 3 hour class on Adopting After Infertility; Attend 3 hour class on Adult Adoptee Panel
April 2010--2 individual interviews; final home visit interview
June 2010--Jadon is born. We get the call from Abbey. Meet Jadon when he's 17 days old.

July 2010--After almost 3 weeks, the paper work is finally cleared for us to become Jadon's official foster parents.

August (?) 2010--1st hearing. Jadon becomes an official ward of the state. No services are offered to birth mom.

December 2010--1st .26 hearing (to terminate birthparents' rights). Case is continued until the end of January

January 2011--Continued .26 hearing. Birthparents' rights are terminated. Now begins a 60 wait/appeal period.

April 2011--Appeal period passes. We sign final adoption papers. There are a few more hoops to jump through, like a physical exam for Jadon, a developmental exam, a final interview, etc...

July 20, 2011--Woo hoo! Everything is DONE!!! We have our final court date and Jadon becomes Jadon Daniel Britts officially.

So in all, it took us less than 2 years from the time we first started looking into it until we had a finalized adoption. It took only 3 months from the time we finished everything to the time we were placed with a child. And it took just over 13 months from the time we were placed with a child until the time the adoption was finalized. All these are pretty fast for a foster-adoption (as opposed to private adoption), and we are confident that it is only because God was directing every step of the way. Thank you God!

Now we are just waiting for Jadon's amended birth certificate to arrive (should take 3-12 months), and then we get to apply for his social security number, and then he'll be like a "normal" kid. :o) Yay!

The other question people always ask is, Are you going to do it again? And our answer, God willing, Yes! This was such a positive experience for us, and if God could match us with such a perfect kid as Jadon, then we're excited for his timing and choice the second time around. However, we wouldn't mind waiting for awhile! (One kid is exhausting enough for now!) At first, I thought we could get a call at any time, which filled me with a little anxiety. But our social worker just called to tell us she was closing out our home study, but that when we're ready to go again, we just need to call her and we'll have an interview and update our home study, and we'll be back in the system (as long as we keep our foster license current, which we are). So that was very settling! God is in control, here, but in our estimations, we think we'll wait through next summer (when we're hopefully filming movie #2!), and then we'll put ourselves back in the game. Pretty exciting!

Adoption Update

So, I'm a little behind on blogging (that's what happens when family comes to visit and you host a Senior Dinner for 30 and a Passover Seder Dinner for 50 and it's Easter and your husband is a pastor!)...But anyways, 2 Fridays ago we took a giant step forward in our adoption process: we signed adoption papers!!!! Yay!!!!

Now, no, that doesn't mean the adoption is final...yet. But it does mean we are one big step closer! All that is left is for Jadon to get a physical (check, his pediatrician just filled out the form using his 9 month checkup), one more social worker visit (sometime in May), and then the court has to set a date when it becomes official. Our social worker said that should happen in the next 6-8 weeks. Apparently, the court holds adoption finalization hearings at 9am on Wednesday mornings. Jadon's 1st birthday is on Wednesday, June 8th. So we are really, really hoping that will be his adoption day. (Jim is also hoping that will be when Jadon takes his 1st steps...walking up to the judge! ha!)

It's Weird

Every time I hear a pregnancy announcement, I still get bit by a tinge of jealousy. Note: I have ABSOLUTELY NO desire to be pregnant right now (funny how having a baby who still doesn't sleep through the night will do that to you!)...And I HONESTLY don't think I ever will again. Every time I look at how perfect Jadon is for us, and then think of how many other Jadons there are out there needing to be adopted, my heart grows overwhelmed with longeing to expand our family in that way. Seriously, I dream of the day when we'll be ready to accept that next call that comes (we've already had 2 more opportunities that were difficult to turn down). In my dreams, we soon get a little boy only a few months younger than Jadon, so he can have a close brother, and I can have the twins I always wanted--without suffering through the crazy infant stage! Maybe this little guy might even come from Haiti or Africa or something...And then a few years later, we get a baby girl, maybe from Jadon's birth mom...These are my dreams...but you never know. But obviously, there's no room  for me to get pregnant here, and when I hear the horror birth stories of my friends, I REALLY have no problem with that...But still, there's that tinge of jealousy. It must be that maternal instinct. I wish I could shut it off.

I'm in love!

This last month has been quite the whirlwind, and I figure it's about time to update everyone. What do you think?

So, just about a month ago exactly, on Friday, June 25, I was feverishly trying to finish the final chapter of our To Save a Life sequel novel. My brain had hit the wall several days before, but Friday night was our absolute deadline, because then we were leaving for Haiti early Sunday morning, and it had to be in to the editors before then. It was around 2:30 in the afternoon, and I was struggling with about 1 1/2 pages to go. The finish line was in sight, but the words just weren't coming. Agh! The agony...

And then my phone rang. It was Jim. He asked if I was ready for some exciting news. I said "yes", but little did I know...

He had just stopped by his church office between meetings, to change his voicemail greeting to an "Out of Office" response, since we'd be gone for the next 2 weeks in Haiti. Most people just call his cell phone, anyways, but you never know. He hadn't even checked his office voicemail for days, but realized he should probably do that first. And there he heard the fateful message from A.G.--left earlier that afternoon. She said something about having a baby that was adoptable, and that started the wheels moving. The next hour was a game of phone tag, each message providing us with a few more details...

I can't share all of them, but the basics are that A.G.'s relative had a baby but couldn't keep it. There are some pretty remarkable circumstances surrounding the baby's birth, and bottom line, it's pretty remarkable that it turned out so healthy and strong. It was taken into foster custody, and A.G. and her family were contacted, as they had already adopted a previous sibling. They had kept this new baby for the past week, but just felt that one more kid was too much, and that there was another family out there who would be blessed by this child. In her mind, she couldn't shake the image of a guy named Jim Britts and his wife who had been in their adoption CPR class back in January. She remembered that he was a youth pastor at a local church and that he'd made a movie...Meanwhile, at her community pool, she talked to various people about her indecision on keeping this baby, and 2 of the women happened to go to our church and said, "Oh, our youth pastor, Jim Britts, and his wife really want to adopt!" She couldn't escape him! :o)

So finally, Friday morning, she knew she had to make the call. She first called her social worker, to see if picking a family for the baby was even possible, and the social worker indicated that while it wasn't normal, she could make it happen.

And so, A.G. called us.

After a flurry of phone calls to our own social worker, etc. (keep in mind, it is now right before closing on a summer Friday afternoon), we were given no assurances, but the thought that they could probably make it work...So we drove over to meet the little guy!

On the drive over, I remember thinking, I know all babies are "cute" in their own way, but there are definitely some that are less cute. What if I don't find this kid attractive? It was a silly prayer, but I figured God could help in this area.

We tentatively walked into the house, and met this tiny 17-day old baby boy...and it was love at first sight. Instantaneously, I looked at this perfect little creation, and everything within me jumped out and wanted to be his mommy. I don't know how the bonding process works during a pregnancy, but I didn't need 9 months to feel a bond toward him. I can't speak for him, but I was attached!

We hung out for about an hour. Fed him, changed him. Having never dealt with an infant so young, Jim and I both were pretty timid and overwhelmed. But we were hooked. And A.G. was so great! We made plans to hang out with him again the next day. Before we left, A.G. asked if we had any ideas for names. Well, I've made lists of names over the past 2 years, but we'd never really talked about them much (besides Jim claiming whoever the latest Sacramento Kings star happened to be...last year was Tyreke, and their new draft pick-up is Demarcus. I put my foot down!)...After a nearly sleepless night (Oh yeah, I finally just finished the novel at like 1am, never getting inspired, but just getting sick of it and typing up something. I mean, who cares about a book when there's an adorable baby waiting?! :o)), Jim and I went for a run early Saturday morning...and talked about names. We wanted something with meaning and significance, preferably out of the Bible. I've always liked Daniel (what a stud, who changed his society for God!) and David. These two names happen to be those of our dads, so I thought that was cool. But Jim wasn't a big fan of calling his son by his dad's name--too weird. So we talked about Daniel as a middle name. We threw out some other Bible guys, but nothing was sticking. And then I just tossed out a name I'd read somewhere--Jaden. It meant something like God has answered, which I thought was appropriate for our situation. Jim loved it. We got home, jumped on the computer and discovered that it actually means "God has heard"--same cool significance...He has truly heard all our prayers, and everyone else's!--or "thankful"--which again pretty much hits the nail on the head! And, not only is it a cool name, but it IS in the Bible--a very obscure reference in the book of Nehemiah (my favorite book of the Bible!). JadOn was a non-Israelite who helped rebuild Jerusalem's wall, which is really cool--he came from the outside to get involved in God's work. That holds so much significance for us! And that's why we decided to spell it with an "0"--JADON--to follow the guy in the Bible. Oh, and we also found out that Daniel is the name his mother would have chosen for him, but she decided not to. So that's a perfect middle name!

We hung out with Jadon Daniel all day Saturday, in awe of every little thing this adorable little guy did. We agonized over whether or not we should still go to Haiti, but both of us just felt like we should. We didn't know why, but it seemed like God's timing was too ironic, like he did it just before we left so there wasn't much time to change plans or find out anything concrete--but so we would have 2 weeks to mentally prepare for this gift to come. So we sadly said goodbye, stayed up until the wee hours of the morning packing (something I planned to do all day instead of hanging out with a cute kid!), and I never got my laundry finished or bathrooms clean or house generally presentable. Oh well...Life goes on, huh?! (Note: this is no easy thing for me to let go of. I'm usually quite the OCD house cleaner before leaving for a trip!)

We printed up pictures of Jadon Daniel, and looked at them and prayed over them several times a day while we were in Haiti. At the same time, my 2nd big prayer was that God would enable me to be fully present there, and not just dreaming about returning to my little boy. And He did. Haiti was AMAZING--in so many good and sad ways! (Some day, I still want to blog and post pictures of all that!)...Half way through the trip, Jim was able to text A.G. and find out what the progress was--which was none. Some social workers were even saying no, this can't be done. So we were immediately reminded that God wanted us there in Haiti--that we wouldn't even be able to be with Jadon if we had stayed home. But I started to battle anxiety, too--what if everything fell through, and I wasn't there to do anything to stop it! God promptly reminded me that I had done NOTHING up until this point to make this happen, it was totally in His control, whatever HE decided to do...That helped, and we finished our trip out strong (praying that much more fervently, though, don't you know!)...

We flew into Miami on a Thursday, and immediately got on the phone to see what we could do to make Jadon ours. A.G. said she'd been calling social workers incessantly, and now the one she needed to talk to wouldn't call her back. We called ours, and she said that she couldn't do anything until the no-call-back one called back. So we flew to L.A., again battling anxiety, and struggling to trust that God was showing that He was in control.

On Friday, we "babysat" Jadon all day, and prayed desperately for a phone call by the end of the day. But none came. What if we didn't get him, after all this?!
Ironically, Jim was scheduled to preach that weekend, of all topics, on adoption! (how God adopted us, and His heart for the orphan). When it became clear that we wouldn't be able to use Jadon as the best sermon illustration ever, instead, we used it as a plea for prayer. And so that weekend, maybe close to a thousand people were praying that we would get to bring Jadon home.

On Monday morning, we went over to "babysit" Jadon again. That afternoon, he napped while I finished up some edits on the novel (even once it's "done" it's still not done-done!). Just as I attached it to an email to send back to our editor, Jim got the phone call. The one social worker FINALLY called back. It was a go! Jadon was ours!!!
A.G. brought over Jadon's stuff to our house so that we could "babysit" him overnight before our 2:30 appointment on Tuesday that would make it official. At 2:30, the social worker came over, we signed the paperwork, and Jadon Daniel became our legal foster son. He still has about a year's worth of court dates and hearings before the adoption part is completely finalized, but it looks as if that part should go fine.

And that is the story of how God heard our prayers of the past 2 years, and answered them in His hilarious, ironic, not-always-convenient-but-totally-worth-it timing. And we are so thankful.
And totally in love with a boy named Jadon!

It's Official!

Just received a wonderful email today: After being lost in the shuffle for months, our foster-parent file has finally been cleared, which means we are open for business and are simply waiting to get matched with a child. Woo hoo! We are certified foster adoptive parents in waiting...and we are so excited!!!

In other official news, according to my post-op appointment with my doc, my surgery was a complete waste of time. She found nothing of concern. Not even a polyp. Well, maybe a polyp. She's not sure. (I think it was her way of making me feel better.) Everything looked great, she told me encouragingly.

The only problem is, I'm still getting the exorbitant hospital bill. For nothing. Great.

Oh, yeah, I forgot. She did actually find some scar tissue around my appendix that she removed. Check out the pictures...

This is what my appendix looked like when she first went in:

This is what it looked like post removal of scar tissue:

(Oh yeah, all that yellow stuff is fat. She said it was normal, but I'm thinking it looks pretty disgsting, like my poor little appendix is getting swallowed up!)

Apparently, the scar tissue wasn't necessarily causing any problems, but it's not a bad idea to get rid of it. I guess I might as well get my money's worth from the stupid procedure! I asked her what the scar tissue was from. She suggested that I may have had a minor case of appendicitis at one time, and that the scarring was from my body healing it on its own. Weird though, because I can't recall ever having and serious pain on my right side.

Of course, then Wednesday morning, I woke up at 4:30 am with a sharp pain in my right side, and I just knew my body was getting revenge. Maybe it liked the scar tissue! When I went to school with it still throbbing, I checked online for symptoms of appendicitis, but they didn't match up. I checked a few other things, too, but couldn't figure it out. The pain continued through the day just as sharp, but I didn't want to call the doctor, because I'm pretty skeptical of them right now. I took an ibuprofen before bed and woke up Thursday with the pain a little less. Did the same thing Thursday night and woke up today with the pain even less. But it's still there. My dad says I should call the doctor. But if it keeps getting less, I don't want to waste my time or money. But I still wonder what it was. I bet if we took some pictures today, the scar tissue would all be back.

Celebrities Who Adopt

We're in the middle of state testing, so I've had a little more time for distractions in the mornings. Today, when I opened up the CNN homepage, my eyes caught a link to People.com about celebrities who adopt. I, of course, was hooked. I expected some of them, but was surprised by many. Besides obvious ones like Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman, and of course Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, there were a lot of favorites like Julie Andrews, Sheryl Crow, Hugh Jackman, Michelle Pfeiffer, Meg Ryan, Nia Vardalos, Kirstie Alley, Barbar Walters, Steven Spielberg, Calista Flockart, Burt Reynolds...Mia Farrow adopted 11!!! (in addition to 4 of her own). Bob Hope and his wife adopted 4--and stayed married for 69 years! That's amazing in Hollywood! Katherine Heigl just adopted a special needs little girl from Korea with her husband.

Many of them dealt with infertility first, but some of them were simply passionate about adoption. It was so cool and I was so inspired. (And I must back I had to swallow back a few tears!)

Done!

Yesterday afternoon, Jim and I had our FINAL adoption interview. Yes, that's right, we are now officially DONE with our part of the process!!! Woo hoo!!! And contrary to last time we were "done" (with the classes) and left feeling discouraged about the length of the wait time, this time we are ECSTATIC! As our social worker reviewed our interest form, she was somewhat surprised at how "open" we were. The three that especially caught her attention were that we were willing to take children with HIV+, parental bipolar, and parental schizophrenia (see my previous post for my discussion on this). And while HIV+ is rare in San Diego County, the other two are pretty common but also commonly avoided by adoptive parents. Which means that we'll be available to more kids...which means that we could get matched much more quickly! (She once had a family like us matched within a month!) No promises, but she felt pretty confident that by Christmas we'd have our child. Actually, that was the timeframe we suggested and she assured us with something sooner than that (but Jim would rather not make it public in order to avoid the pressure of everyone's expecting questions).

We are SOOOOOOO thrilled! Last night (more like this morning), we both ended up awake at 4am thinking about it...and talking and giggling and dreaming and naming and....We could be parents very soon! All our hopes and dreams are finally coming to fruition! While we don't have the luxury of a due date, we are really, truly "expecting"!!! Woo hoo!

Yet in the midst of all this excitement, I have to be honest about some of my concerns:
*I'm going in for my exploratory surgery next Friday, with the goal of identifying and eliminating potential causes of our infertility. I immediately considered cancelling it, but Jim and our families are encouraging me to follow through, because all of it is still so uncertain. i.e. Maybe this will solve the problem, but maybe not. And maybe we'll get a child soon, but still maybe not. We might as well keep pursuing all our reasonable options, and let God pull all the pieces together as He sees fit (even if that means getting a kid while being pregnant. eek!).
*We will most likely be matched with a child with very real hereditary and/or drug-related issues. While I am okay with this in theory, it is a little scarier once those issues become tangible in a little person. (And by the way, we will be unable to share this private information with anyone once we get the child, so take this as an advanced warning.)
*We plan on actively pursuing movie #2 this summer (after book #2 is finished). Where does a kid fit into that busy process?

But as Jim keeps reminding me, any of those concerns are infinitely better than our state of empty arms currently. So bring it on!

Individual Adoption Interviews

Yesterday, Jim and I were able to check three more things off of our seemingly endless adoption to-do list: we each had our individual interviews, and then we filled out our form that they'll input into the computer to match us with a kid.

Interviews: Our social worker loved both of our autobiographies, and said they were very well written. They gave great details but were concise and to the point...Well, what can I say, we're writers (wink wink, j/k!). Jim's took an hour in the morning, and I had mine after school. The number one thing I learned through this experience: both of us TOTALLY scored when it came to the parent lottery! Most of the interview was addressing issues of our past, and neither of us had any issues. Our parents did amazing jobs--in spite of adversity and struggles--and it was fun to share about all the wonderful things they had done for us. I almost felt like my answers were too "perfect"...like will it look bad that we haven't experienced things like abuse, addictions, or drama in our lives? Hopefully not.

"The Form": At the end of my interview, our social worker gave me the checklist form where we indicate what kind of kid we're willing to accept. Jim and I filled it out over dinner. We have been so excited to get to this step, but it was actually a pretty difficult. It felt like we were choosing what kind of child was "worth" having--and who are we to judge! I felt guilty and ashamed of some of my restrictions. Just because a child has certain symptoms doesn't make them less of a human or less worthy of our love. If we were pregnant with a child with disabilities, we wouldn't get rid of it. So why should we avoid them now? Those are heavy issues to discuss over dinner! However, I had asked our social worker if we just selected everything, would the computer be more likely to pick out for us the most severe cases, and she said yeah. She suggested being a little more picky at first--really thinking about what we would prefer--and then we could always go back and loosen up our request later...Sooo...we got on the computer to look at how different things affect children growing up...and we considered how some of these conditions would affect our lives/ministry in the future...and we made our selections...Eek!

Overall, I think we still stayed pretty open minded. Ethnicity, we made no preferences. Behavior, we accepted anything. Heredity, we said bring it on (heck! schizophrenia, depression, and mental illness run in my genetic code, thanks to my mom's lovely side of the family, so I've got just as much luck here as if we were having a child that we conceived!). Even drug exposure, we checked them all. (We discovered, ironically, that even babies exposed to cocaine and meth have less risk of brain damage than alcohol exposed babies. Isn't that crazy?! The legalized substance will absolutely wreck a child's brain capacity, but the illegal stuff will "merely" expose them to withdrawal symptoms and potential behavior issues down the road. I would fully support another Prohibition!!!)...And that's where we started saying no. We said no to infants with alcohol exposure (except for mild/possible). We said no to babies with brain damage. We said no to cerebral palsy, and Downs Syndrome, and autism (except mild forms). We almost said no to babies of incest, due to genetic abnormalities, but decided to keep that one at the last moment. I think we said no to a few other severe disabilities, and felt horrible each time. Whew! What a weight of responsibility!

We have a week and a half before we submit this form, so I suppose we could still change our minds. Next Friday, we have our final (yes, that's correct...our FINAL!!!) interview, and then it's all about processing the paperwork.

If you could, please pray that the paperwork process would go as speedily as God allows it. Our social worker is swamped right now, and it could take months or longer.
Also, please pray for our Foster Licensing paperwork. I just found out that our Foster social worker went out on medical leave before processing us (we finished it all back in January), and our file is somewhere lost in the shuffle.
And pray that God prepares us for whatever child he chooses to place with us--special needs and all!

I'm curious, if you had to make these choices (or if you already did)...what would you choose?

Our Final Adoption Class!

Last night, Jim and I celebrated the completion of all our adoption training classes. 36 hours! Woo hoo! It was an adult adoptee panel, and it was interesting to hear the stories of these two individuals who went from unwanted orphans to highly successful adults. (It was also a little sad and daunting to hear the stories of their adopted siblings who went down less successful roads...Same parents, different outcomes...I pray that we have the wisdom to meet each of our childrens' needs differently and effectively!)

As we picked up our final certificates, Jim conferred with our social worker (who hosted the class) about our last 3 interviews this month, and asked about what the timeline for an actual child placement might look like. We know that it all depends on the situation, and could be immediate or several years, but I guess Jim just wanted a hopeful answer.

Hope is not what we got.

Her trite response was "Oh, that could be another year and a half." We wandered back to the car, and reality hit us like a dump truck. The elation of being "done" deflated into the understanding that the waiting game is really just starting.

But we're tired of waiting. We want a child of our own so much it hurts. Last weekend, Jim's sister's baby came for a visit (ok, so Matt and Becky came, too), and Jim just couldn't wait to get home to play with her. At church, he wanted to be the one to pick her up from the nursery, and then he carried her around on a tour of the church showing her off to anyone he saw...I'm going through that phase again where just the sight of a pregnant woman or a baby in the store gets me all teary...We can't wait!...But it looks like we have to...Urgh!

As we drove back home, we sighed and reassured ourselves that God has a plan, and however long it takes, it's going to be perfect. Maybe He'll surprise all of us with an immediate match. Maybe He'll wait until we're done with all our writing and movie-making dreams. (I hope not, because I'm not sure if Jim will ever be done with those!) Maybe (dare I think this aloud?) He's going to let me get pregnant afterall, and then match us with a child so we get the twins I've dreamed about...

Whatever that "maybe" entails, we can't keep living for the future. We have to live in today. We have a novel sequel to finish. We have another movie script we're moving forward on. We have teenagers who need us. We have a missions trip coming up in five days. We're going to Haiti this summer!

So, onward we go. Any of you praying for our adoption process, please pray that God will continue to grant us peace and patience, and that He'll be preparing us to meet the needs of whatever child(ren) He gives us in His perfect timing. Thanks!

"Adopting After Infertility"

So last week we went to our 2nd of 3 adoption-specific classes. It is mandated that we attend "Adopting After Infertility" since we have been unable to produce children of "our own"...Ah bliss!
The closer the evening came, the more uptight I found myself getting. It was as if my mind subconciously realized what the days were leading us closer to. Jim, on the other hand, was merely excited to be able to check one more thing off our ginormous list.
On our way down, I wondered what the other couples there would be like--and how many there would be. I mean, most people we know who are interested in adopting have already had their own child(ren). When we got there, the class was packed! And there were couples of all ages and types. Most of the class was actually pretty boring, but in the middle, they broke us into guys and gals so we could share with the group our infertility story. Lucky me, I was selected to go first in the gals group. I guess that was a good thing. As we went around the circle after me, the stories got longer and longer and more and more emotional. It was actually pretty reassuring to see that we aren't alone on this journey, and actually, we're doing quite well compared to most of them. I was surprised at the anger and inconsolable grief expressed by some of them. I hope adopting a child doesn't just slap a bandaid on some deeper issues that will then affect their adopted child later in life...Funny, the guys group ended about 25 min. earlier than us, and then just had to wait around until we were all through. I asked Jim if the guys just didn't share, or what? He said all of them contributed pretty well, but once they said their piece that was it--no tears or hugs or whatever. Typical! :o) Apparently their first question was did they ever imagine sitting in a circle discussing this. Jim, in typical fashion, piped up and said this was actually why he signed up for adoption. ha!

One of the other things we discussed in the group was the different stages of grief, starting with denial, moving through emotions of anger and depression, and finally ending up at acceptance. We had to think through our own processing, and I realized that I've gone through every stage--sometimes cycling through multiple times!--yet while I'm potentially willing to accept infertility as our permanent "thorn", I really am not fully arrived at acceptance yet. Every month, I still hope. But really, I don't think that's a bad thing...yet.

On that note, I finally just heard back from the doctor's office regarding the laparoscopy procedure. Online research had brought up numbers that looked like the surgery could cost into the thousands of dollars, and when the billing lady said my insurance wouldn't cover it, I was ready to concede forgoing this option. But...when I asked her--full of trepidation--how much it would cost then, she said it would be $300 out of pocket.
Oh!
That's not too bad, all things considered...So...I'm now scheduled for surgery on Friday, April 30, one week after our FINAL adoption interview. Interesting timing. We'll see what God unfolds.

Adoption Intake Interview

Adoption Process Update:
This afternoon we had our "adoption intake interview"...which means we got fingerprinted yet again and met our adoption social worker.
And we got a butt-load more work to do, including a 5-7 page autobiography (each!) and 3 more 3-6 hour classes (including one for parents dealing with infertility, one for parents adopting cross-culturally, and one other one we get to choose).
Whew! Adopting is definitely not for the faint of heart! But forward ho! "Embracing Your Child's Heritage" is this Thursday night...